Tag: Friendships

Birthday Parties (or Fear 2)

David switched schools in September. His Reception Year was in the very small local school. It was a class of Reception & Year 1 children – 9 children in total and David was the youngest. Seemingly there were no birthday parties as everyone in Reception had already celebrated their birthday, unless of course he wasn’t invited. However, when I took David for his second day at the new school, a little girl came up to us and handed David a party invitation. I could have cried with happiness for him.

Along with the joy came the fear – my usual worry of not fitting in with the other parents and blowing his friendships. The day of the party came. David was super excited. He insisted on making a present to go along with the present we had bought. I think he painted a bit of a cardboard box for her. Then came the adult talk: “We don’t both need to go.” “You’re better at these things than I am.” “You’re better at parking.” “If I go, I’ll need to go and wash my hair.” “If I go, I’ll be grumpy because the football is on.” “I bet you no other dads are there.”

We both went.

I had asked a friend if there were any suggestions for a party gift for a little girl and she recommended stacking up with a selection of gifts so there is always one ready to go. Anyway, I’m a Lego freak so we now have about 15 small Lego sets ready to go and on the plus side, if David alienates everyone and gets no more invites, we will have lots of Lego to do together.

At the party I discovered that although I can control and teach a class of 30 ten and eleven year olds, it turns out that my 5 year old son will blatantly ignore my requests to stop running around the hall trying to tackle other small boys. This was particularly pleasing when in a social situation in front of many parents who are chatting in a civilised manner while their children listen and join in delightfully with the paid entertainer. I’m not sure quite what helicopter parenting is but I think I was way too in his face convinced that he was the most badly behaved child there. He may well have been, but maybe all parents think that because you are focused on your child in particular?

Anyway, we have now planned his birthday party. The invites are out. The church hall is available. The entertainer is booked, and I’ve made a spreadsheet for allergies and parent/child names (besides the Lego nerdiness, I do love a spreadsheet). The excitement was palpable as the first replies came in – mine and my husband’s probably more than David’s. So far we have had nine acceptances which we are very pleased with bearing in mind our village is a 15 minute drive away from the school. We are starting to believe that our little boy’s first birthday party will be everything he wants – dancing, prizes and balloons. I’m just relieved that it won’t be just the three of us and mummy getting drunk in the corner with the balloon modelling entertainer. Although the latter is still a possibility.

Any advice on birthday parties – let me know in the comments and I will share. I’ll also let you know how the party goes 😊

purple and red balloons

Friendships

I don’t know if I am the only parent who worries about this, but I am concerned that I may jeopardise my son’s friendships. It may sound like an odd paranoia after all, I’m not in the sand tray telling the other children not to play with David. However, I am the adult who is supposed to communicate smoothly and effectively with the adults belonging to the other small people.

Unfortunately, I am quite introverted and struggle to go up to other people and make conversation. It seems to me that everyone else at the school gate is confident to talk to anyone. It may be more challenging because we are in a tiny village, and I think everyone probably knew each other for years before we moved here in November but I am struggling. I don’t want David to miss out on anything because I am not confident enough to ensure he is involved.

Another issue is my worries about David’s friendship skills. I don’t think lockdown helped. David obviously didn’t go to other children’s houses and we had maybe one or two playdates before we moved here. He has had a few playdates with some new friends but when they came to our house, he struggled hugely with sharing his toys and got upset when they wouldn’t follow his ideas and rules. He has apparently been mean at school and told some children they can’t play with him. This is something we and the school are working with him on to make sure he can have successful friendships. The school have a role – ELSA (Emotional Literacy Support Assistant) who will be doing some work with David in the new school year.

Meanwhile, David has struck up a close friendship with another child and has asked me if he can go on a playdate. This has struck fear into me. I would have to talk to this parent and make sure my social etiquette was up to scratch and also my concern is that it’s a small school. If David is having friendship issues, then maybe they all know because their children have gone home and said something. Maybe they are all writing off my challenging, clever boy who is only five and just starting to understand how to make friends and play with others. I hope not and I hope I am just being paranoid because I want him to be a good friend and I want him to have amazing friendships.

silhouette of people jumping